Job Interview Ace Pillows

"This is quite an impressive resume. Any chance I can work for you?"

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'They all want to play the star.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'Yes, can I help you?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

How are you at decision making?

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'