Interspecies Communication Gifts

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

So you're a mocking bird...

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"I have no thumbs."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Have you tried biting him?"

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"