Critter Communicator Gifts

Animal Translations.

"All in all, the squirrel news is good."

'I'll talk to the animals for £250 an hour.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

So you're a mocking bird...

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"I have no thumbs."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).