Internet Researchers Gifts

'We don't offer health insurance, but we do allow to Google your medical condition on your lunch hour and see what you find.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Coronavirus Waves

Internet.

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

Travelogue

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'Ask your computer.'

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

"Well, here's your problem. You need an O right there."

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Well, we got the grant."

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"How about this? We carpet the road and use the resultant static electricity to power our electric cars."

"I only told a few friends."

'We've created a teenager!'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

'Of course he reminds you of yourself at his age -- he's your clone.'

Spam traps on mobiles

"Peterson should be sure to win the Nobel Prize! He has proven that the mutated Coronavirus also mutates laboratory rats!"

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"Maybe we should have tried it on the rats first."

"We could try reversing the drug's side effects with gene therapy, but we don't want to get into trouble with the SPCA."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

The little search engine: I think I can, I know I can.

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'