Internet Health Researcher Gifts

'Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again.'

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

Please help: National Endowment for the Arts

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'We don't offer health insurance, but we do allow to Google your medical condition on your lunch hour and see what you find.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather eat this not knowing what the latest science suggests."

M.D. We call it "MySpace Wrist." Stop taking pictures of yourself.

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Results of a Smoking Survey - 'They weren't very passive about smoking'

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"I just feel fortunate to live in a world with so much disinformation at my fingertips."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'I can't afford health insurance, but a little info from the internet and an ice cream scooper...'

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"Try another site. There must be some information about this kind of operation."

"I appreciate your researching solutions on the Internet, but there is little evidence to show twig broth and changing will help your condition."

Dog to dog: 'On the internet, I can sniff out anybody.'

'Due to the litigious society and the very high malpractice insurance premiums, I no longer d9agnose or prescribe. I can, however, suggest a few Internet resources you may wish to consult.'

"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

"Has anyone done their research online how to do this?"

'It's a new syndrome we're seeing more of... 'Google-itis'.'

'I love this RX site - I can look up prices for all of my unaffordable medicine around town!'

'You seem sceptical.'