Internet Researcher Gifts

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"I don't care if you used the internet for a diagnosis. I did too."

"With respect, my medical degree trumps your online-diagnosis search."

"The extra charge is for arguing with me from what you've read on the Net."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'I can't afford health insurance, but a little info from the internet and an ice cream scooper...'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"I've found a diagnosis on the internet...maybe I should get a second opinion from my doctor."

"You want to discuss our will? Are you diagnosing yourself online again?"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

The Jeopardy of Progress

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

2021

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

Fear/Knowledge

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"