Internet Humor Seeker Pillows

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

Penguin Dating Sites: "Rats. These guys all look alike..."

....What if pets had social media?

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

Piranhaclaus

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"It's probably just seasonal."

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

Chasebook

'I'm an atheist!'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"She looks just like in your photos."

Shell Fire