Internet Cafe Manager Gifts

Joe's Greasy Cyber Cafe

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

Today's special... donuts.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Non-Power Breakfast

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

National Coffee Day

Tree Cafe; Free Valet Parking

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

Coffee

Choice hellhole

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"Come in, minion."

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

The Deli Llama

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."