Internet Banter Enthusiast Gifts

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

The Smartass Phone

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"It says 'Click here to enlarge.'"

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Internet Shoplifting

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

Spam.

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'