Intellectual Show-off T-Shirts

"He really overdoes it with his opening move ... "

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"So, what are you reading?"

"Have you been working out?"

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

Football team discussions.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'Checkmate!'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

The Ascent of Man.

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

Broad Minded

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

How do bright women get pregnant?

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

How to appear more interesting.

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

'Well, when in doubt, I always say, pick the wine that'll impress the hell out of the complete strangers at the next table.'

"You may not want to read this book but you'll certainly want others to think you've read it."

"Every few years, a book comes along that’s so ahead of its time, so hauntingly beautiful, I’ll buy it and put it on my bookshelf."

"This book can't be very sophisticated...I understood it right away."

'That's intellectually dishonest, Sid.'

Egg Head

"Ready for our next upper body exercise? Let's continue with the brain."