Insurance Studies Gifts

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

"I have good news if you have insurance. Bad news, if you don't."

"Your health insurance only kicks in when you can run 100m in under 10 seconds."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Obama Healthcare.

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

Healthy Patients Only

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"