Insurance Economist Gifts

I'm goin got prescribe something that acts like a placebo but costs much, much more.

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Healthy Patients Only

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

Who blames who in health Insurance problems

'So he eats the odd secretary now and then. He's our top actuary and I intend to make him a partner.'

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Where HMO's are headed

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

Knight Supplies

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Uncle Mort's Storytime. Billy the pachyderm was a nice guy who got a sticker stuck in his thigh. Restrooms. Went he for help to his mouse friend Fred … I'll take our yer sticker, Dr Fred said. Just one question before I advance. Who do you have for your insurance? I am not covered, poor Billy cried. So, limp Billy did 'till the day he died. Waaaaaah!

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

Sacking a unprofitable patient

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

"So many acquisitions lately ... should we be worried?"

"You're right, Obamacare doesn't cover everything."

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'

'Oh him? That's Frank. My parents made me take in a boarder to cover the cost of my car insurance.'

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

44.3 million Americans without health insurance.

"Everyone who's unhappy with their health system is here."

'Now for the eye test, can you read my bill?'