Insurance Planners Gifts

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

European currency on the edge.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Graph Your Relatives!

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

Obama Healthcare.

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'