Instruction Master Gifts

You read the instructions upside down.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Kirsten Johnson

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"And this all happened in the last week..."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

"This is a teaching hospital."

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

Manual Labor.

"It's like the other ones! I saw a shark! I saw a shark!"

Manual Worker

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"You're applying for this job because your mother told you to. Well, I guess that's a good thing in a compliance officer."

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'Well done! I've never heard anyone slip from jargon into gibberish and out again with such ease!'

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."