Instruction Master Pillows

You read the instructions upside down.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Kirsten Johnson

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'Leadership training.'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"And this all happened in the last week..."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

"This is a teaching hospital."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"It's like the other ones! I saw a shark! I saw a shark!"

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

Manual Labor.

Manual Worker

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'Well done! I've never heard anyone slip from jargon into gibberish and out again with such ease!'

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

"You're applying for this job because your mother told you to. Well, I guess that's a good thing in a compliance officer."

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."