Insomniac Gifts

'The bad news is you're to be executed at dawn. The good news is your executioner is not a morning person.'

"Must you page swipe so loudly?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"This book put me to sleep—It was wonderful."

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

Ask Dr. Sadie. Dear Sadie, I've been working my tail off at school, and am having a hard time forcing myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Can you give me some tips for achieving sound sleep? Signed, Ryan. Ryan, here's an idea: Stop wasting your time writing in asking for advice!! Don't stay awake worrying you're a loser. There's nothing you can do about it. Asksadieshow@gmail.com

I was tossing and turning all night.

'She sleeps the whole time! ... Very amusing!'

'One will help you sleep like a log. The other one's to keep the termites away.'

"Is the light bothering you dear?"

Twisted Peel listens to whale music: 'No! No! Don't eat me!'

Daily Promise...

Dog Nightmares

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

That midnight hour when fleeting memories come home to roost.

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

The Forever Stamp

Things that go beep in the night.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I'm taking you off sleeping pills and putting you on Proust."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

Wide-awake.

"When Van Gogh had insomnia he created masterpieces."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

Cats. All they do is eat and sleep. Truth is, they don't even do that well.

"I'm going to give you something to help you sleep."

"When I can't sleep I don't count sheep I count my blessings."

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

"Sleep? No, I'm the anxiety fairy. How about a cuppa joe?"

Noah falls asleep by counting animal pairs.

'I hate to admit it, but I counted sheep all night.'