Insecure Teen Gifts

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

Sex Education Class: "Smirking or non smirking?"

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He's gonna be bad for business."

'Awesome!'

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Young man, either you remove your hand from under her sweater or I will remove it your arm.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned susidiary of you and Mom?'

'My Social Worker said SOCIETY is to blame for my loutish behaviour, which came as an enormous relief to me.'

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"Ask Sadie advice hour! What's your problem?!" "Being a high school student is literally killing me! I sit all day at school, and sit all evening doing my homework." "Stop yer sniveling!!! Every student since the beginning of time has had to deal with this problem." "Yes, you're sitting all day. But like any other teenager, you should be burning thousands of calories anyway." "The eye-rolling alone should burn up to 473 calories per hour. Pick up the pace, slacker!!!"

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

"This zit is growing way out of control!"

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

"I kept dropping my phone and cracking the screen. So, my parents bought me a thicker cover."

'Don't try and act cool by saying it's the blood of the undead, we both know it's acne.'

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"Look dude, if you like a girl...you gotta move fast!"

"So let me get this straight...the equality movement has basically doubled the number of crazy high school kids who secretly decorate cars in the middle of the night?"

"Of course your parents embarrass you. That's what parents are for."

"Woke up late this afternoon, I've got the teenage blues…"

That's when I decided why should I care

Girl refusing a boy's advances.

'I don't have a bad attitude! I can't help it if everything sucks!'

'Sure he's cute, smart and athletic. But my parents would approve of him and that wouldn't work for me.'

"Now that I've quit hating girls, I 've got pimples."