Inmate Gifts

"To be honest, I was little nervous when you insisted on being the one on top."

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

Penitentiary License Plate Shop. He's a politician who was convicted of illegal fund-raising. He's not getting $1,000-a-plate in here!

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"....this is the only place where I can finish a sentence."

"Yes, I agree. Having a baby is a little miracle, especially as I've been in here for sixteen months!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner still life painting.

Madoff and devil.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Prison Romance.

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

Prisoner Crossing

Police Lineup Escape

Exhibition for Prisoners

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

"The governor is considering your petition. He has one question: did you vote for him the last election?"

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I'm done doing inside jobs on the outside. I make more on the inside as an outsider artist.'

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

'I got you three new autographs in the prison yard today... an NFL and NBA player, plus a movie star!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'Sorry Vicar, Daddy can't come to the phone. He's doing porridge.'

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'