Inked Storyteller Gifts

"The phone number is her idea. I think she wants to split up."

'So sorry,i fell asleep reading your tattoos.'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Swan Fairy Tales

J. R. R. Tolkien

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

I wonder what kind of wizard or vampire my husband will be

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

My Spam Sketchbook

How I met your mother

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

Santa's Helpers

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Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Men dancing

'I can't remember the title, but it began, 'Once upon a time'...'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'I'm sorry, but I can't let you on board unless there's a Mrs Bigfoot.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Mr. Swinehart has just crossed Route 36 at Goshen Junction. We are all expected, in exactly eighteen minutes, to greet him as he comes down the driveway."