Inked Storyteller Gifts

"The phone number is her idea. I think she wants to split up."

'So sorry,i fell asleep reading your tattoos.'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Swan Fairy Tales

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

How I met your mother

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

Santa's Helpers

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

My Spam Sketchbook

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Men dancing

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'I can't remember the title, but it began, 'Once upon a time'...'

Centaur falls in love.

'Just thirty-five years until I can run for office!'

Hog Futures

"Mr. Swinehart has just crossed Route 36 at Goshen Junction. We are all expected, in exactly eighteen minutes, to greet him as he comes down the driveway."

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"