Ink Spiller Extraordinaire T-Shirts

The immortal philosopher Murphy sets pen to paper...

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

A smiling cyclist

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

"Here's the deal, throw me back and I won't text your boss telling him you called in sick to fish."

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

Meet the author

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

"Stay-at-home mom" is a misnomer. I spend ten hours a day driving kids all over town!

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Freedom

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

'The first thing we will do is select a block captain.'

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"It's like the other ones! I saw a shark! I saw a shark!"

So you've lost your journalism job. Yep and my freelance contracts. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Free distribution of information is driving publishers out of business. I can't compete against thousands of free blogs. Twenty years I spent learning to be a professional journalist and I'm a dinosaur. What'd you say? I was reading Gawker. Shoot me.

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

Skywriter's Block

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

A fish using pizza as bait to catch an ice hole fisherman.

"You're a writer? But what do you do for money?"

'It's not enough that you want to publish it, you must beg for it.'