Injection Avoider Gifts

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I hate needles!"

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

Sawdust.

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

Sailor notices a sea mine in his foot bath.

Oil man gets oil for his car directly from oil well.

There's leftover apple crisp! Whoever finishes it up, please clean the baking dish. Hey! It's not finished!!

Young Peel worries about visiting Scotland.

Danger Signs.

'Watch out, you'll get tennis elbow.'

'Why can't you do that while I'm on the golf course?'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about Lyme disease."

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'You're just going to feel a little pinch, then a horrific burning pain, your eyes will roll back into your head, you will drool uncontrollably...'

Escaped Fish

Next time youwant to demonstrate Ronaldo's flying overhead kick to your nephew...use a pen and paper!

'Careful, it might be a trap...'

'That's the plan then, gang. We all move in with Bruno on bath nights!'

"Actually, sir, when I said, 'left or right?' I was talking about your shoulder!"

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"I couldn't agree more - but, then again, I hate even non-lethal injections."

'My dog ate my homework, so I couldn't study for the test. So, as his punishment, he'll be taking the test for me.'

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

"Never leave a hot iron unattended."

"It's nothing...probably something I just ate for dinner."

'You have got to be kidding.'

Tortoise hiding from acupuncturist.