Inheritance Schemer Gifts

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

"This is what happens when a family business doesn't have a succession plan!"

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

"It's a setup."