Inheritance Ponderers Gifts

"All that money that used to be working for me is now working for my ungrateful son."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

Buck Naked

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Your grandfather decided to put his entire fortune into a trust fund until Judgement Day."

Insomnia.

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

Jealousy

"I burden you with the national debt, you burden your kids with it, and so on. . ."

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

She's leaving me all her money.'