Income Security Pillows

'I know it's a boring make-work job but I like it because it's a make-salary job.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

Will work for ETFs

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

'We're out of duct tape.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

God bless our home equity line of credit.

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

Redundancies

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"Glen is a one-issue voter....medicare and social security solvency."