Financial Security Seeker Pillows

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'I totally understand your extreme risk-aversion. Now hand over your mattress and let's slip into some comfy corporate bonds.'

'Your assets are perfectly safe with us, it's ring fenced - and of course we reconcile regularly sir.'

'If this crisis continues I think I will be receiving unemployment insurance until I am eligible for a pension.'

Will work for ETFs

'When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like, '401 que pasa?'

"I'm not sure why people worry so much, I see a pension as a guarantee of security..."

California Investments: Quake-Proof Your Portfolio!

"Bad day; I found out that my financial planning is living in his car."

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

Investing your savings

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"And to finally break free from the crippling burden of my student loans."

"Another organization has already researched this, but I'm afraid that if we use it, we won't get as much credit."

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

A Balanced budget.

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!

Redundancies

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

'Your good work leaves me in a splendid position. Isn't that enough reward for you?'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'