In-law Relationship Humorist Gifts

"You're not just another employee to me, Henderson --You're also my useless, no good son-in-law!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

Barristers

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Always Compatible

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!