In-law Humor Fan Gifts

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"I charge by the grain."

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"My client demands a jury trial."