In-law Humor Gifts

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

First Steps

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Baby's first words.

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

Clive Anderson

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Corporate Lawyers

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'