In-law Humor Lover Gifts

And for an extra $7.50 per month, we'll block the calls of an in-law of your choice"

'Will you quit complaining? Mother's only going to be here until we can get you relocated to Antartica.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Corporate Lawyers

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Live más, Exit, No Trespassing, No Loitering on this Property Violators Will Be Let Go.