Housewife Humor Fan Gifts

Real House Flies of Orange County

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

"Please don't go!"

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."