Housewife Humor Fan Gifts

Real House Flies of Orange County

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"Quit with that racket - you're scaring the fish."

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."