In-law Negotiator Gifts

'Say hello to mother, Stanley.'

"No, Sir. Your in-laws don't qualify as pest."

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

First Steps

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

Miami: Home of the Miami Relatives

'Well, since you put it like that, I suppose we could reduce the price of the property slightly.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"You listed your mother as a reference. We decided to contact your mother-in-law instead."

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

The Manager's Wife.

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you need to impress-he's an R.S.P.C.A Inspector!'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

Solicitor tells divorcing couple: 'You must see that 'I'll have the bricks and she can have the mortar' is not very helpful,'

'That's Burt. Some developer made him an offer for his park bench he couldn't refuse.'

"I hope your parents appreciate the effort I make to get dressed and leave the house."

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

'If possible, I'd like it to be an amicable bankruptcy.'