In-law Negotiator Pillows

'Say hello to mother, Stanley.'

"No, Sir. Your in-laws don't qualify as pest."

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

First Steps

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

Miami: Home of the Miami Relatives

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Well, since you put it like that, I suppose we could reduce the price of the property slightly.'

The Manager's Wife.

"You listed your mother as a reference. We decided to contact your mother-in-law instead."

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"I hope your parents appreciate the effort I make to get dressed and leave the house."

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you need to impress-he's an R.S.P.C.A Inspector!'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

'That's Burt. Some developer made him an offer for his park bench he couldn't refuse.'

Solicitor tells divorcing couple: 'You must see that 'I'll have the bricks and she can have the mortar' is not very helpful,'

'If possible, I'd like it to be an amicable bankruptcy.'

Surface Tension

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'