Impressionist Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

Felix Mendelssohn

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

Vincent Van Goat.

He's the first Master Sculptor since the Renaissance also trained as a Mohel.

"See that? He's the kind of peasant I detest."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Farmer's looking at paintings of haystacks.

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

Natürlich verstehst du es nicht. Er ist ein Künstler für Künstler.

The Red Carpet

"Here the artist opted for a more impressionistic approach, because drawing a tree is hard."

Pyramids exploding.

Petrarch

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

The Algonquin Round Table

"Lou, c'm'ere - you gotta check out this guy's Degas!"

Monet in the '90s.

After three days the curator decided it was probably upside down.

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

Maurice Ravel.

"Is it just me, or do these sculptural forms of light and shadow make you think about the ephemeral nature of life, the spirituality of the moment eclipsing our futile quest for cheese?"

"It's obviously an original."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"