Import Investigators T-Shirts

Hello, I need to take back your cherry pie? Touch it and die. Mrs. Cohen, that pastry came from a bakery in China. We've since learned it might be toxic. Importing from China can be bad for your health. There's crust in your ear.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

US v.s. Tech Giants

Honest Vending

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Quality Control

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Diet considerations.'