Imperfect Perfectionist Gifts

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

'And God created man in his own image.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

For sale - Used only Once.

Perfection

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

"You're welcome."

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."