Impatient Feaster Gifts

"Fill it up!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

Stuffing the turkey.

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'I don't care what the timer says - my nose says they're done.'

"You took your time!" "Better latte than never"

'Pigs feet, sir? 'ARE THEY PICKLED?'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'Then that's one steak well done and fries, and one anything as long as it's fast.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

You are what you eat

T is for Turkey

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"We had this last year."

Christmas food.

"What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy?" "Having a huge party." "It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly." "Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games." "'Turkey Slaughter VI' is no ordinary game." "You're coming to my place."

'Dinner was taking too long, so I just went ahead and ordered pizza.'

Wife leaving note 'midnight mass' on husbands distended stomache as she leaves house.

Too full after after Christmas dinner!

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

"I've gained ten pounds!" "Isn't that what the turkey weighed?"

'Keep carving, there are still a few identifiable parts.'

"Nothing for him...he's stuffed."

'It must of crept on over christmas...'

'I hope everyone likes ostrich.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

The Life Cycle of Cholent