Illness Sympathizer Pillows

"I can't believe I got sick on my preplanned sick day."

"Yes!" "Excellent!" The Daily Bug City considers pesticides ban

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

Sling

'My hay fever is really acting up.'

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

"Why won’t anyone play with me? I’m so very sad, all alone in this great big world. Why must I suffer?"

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

An elephant sneezes all over its trainer - 'Gesundheit...!'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Achooo

'It's very rare. We don't even have a colored ribbon for it yet.'

Sorry to hear about your accident.

Innocent Civilians

With a high temperature and sore throat Terry felt like he was at deaths door.

Right v. Wrong Side of the Bed

'Spinning the web is the fun part, after that, it's just waiting and waiting for a catch...'

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

"Bummer. I've never heard of a pixie who's allergic to his own dust."

Bug on the windshield.

A bug memorial on car grill.

"Well, they always say it's the thought that counts!"

Sheep counting humans to get to sleep.