Illness Sympathizer Pillows

"I can't believe I got sick on my preplanned sick day."

"Yes!" "Excellent!" The Daily Bug City considers pesticides ban

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

Sling

'My hay fever is really acting up.'

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

"Why won’t anyone play with me? I’m so very sad, all alone in this great big world. Why must I suffer?"

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

Achooo

An elephant sneezes all over its trainer - 'Gesundheit...!'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'It's very rare. We don't even have a colored ribbon for it yet.'

Sorry to hear about your accident.

Right v. Wrong Side of the Bed

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

'Spinning the web is the fun part, after that, it's just waiting and waiting for a catch...'

Innocent Civilians

With a high temperature and sore throat Terry felt like he was at deaths door.

"Bummer. I've never heard of a pixie who's allergic to his own dust."

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

Bug on the windshield.

A bug memorial on car grill.

Sheep counting humans to get to sleep.