Illness Enthusiast Pillows

"He's scared he'll miss out on swine flu."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The Cougher

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

Corona Funeral

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"