Illness Aficionado Gifts

"The usual sick notes..."

Be Healthy

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'Fitness guru.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

Healthy Patients Only

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

Meds Toast

"He's a whiz kid."

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

A tessellation of running figures.

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

"You've got a bad case of Docwantsa Newkar."

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"You have what we are going to call Klitson's Disease, Mr. Klitson."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well informed."

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

Good News, Bad News - Save the Leg.