Illness Aficionado Gifts

"The usual sick notes..."

Be Healthy

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'Fitness guru.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

Healthy Patients Only

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

A tessellation of running figures.

Meds Toast

"You've got a bad case of Docwantsa Newkar."

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

"He's a whiz kid."

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

"You have what we are going to call Klitson's Disease, Mr. Klitson."

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well informed."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."