Ikea Lover Pillows

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

We just want to be a real boy! Pinocchio. Ikea. Swedish Folktale.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

Surfing koala.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

Koala

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

Quills - Sizes 1-9

Back in my day, we were drawn with ink on paper, not on some fancy digital pad, but at least we knew we existed.

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

Desert Island Fantasies

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

Just fifty miles north of Easter Island...

"It says it can be assembled by a 5 year old child - pop out and find me one..."

Futons/Futoffs

'I hear the Met office is predicting further Arctic weather conditions.'

"I had some upsetting news today… 'Fish gotta swim, Birds gotta fly'."

"You idiot! It's all bare walls and Ikea these days."

Giant Birthday Cake

'Bearnaise sauce again,' he cried. 'I can't bear the thought of it!'

"You're in trouble now.You just threw that lightening bolt in the same place as the last one!"

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

'It's a military tattoo!'

"Seems another philanthropist has beaten us here."

"You're tattooed all over although you're not a football pro?! Man, that's cultural appropriation!"

"I got inked my most hilarious cartoon."

9 To 5 Tattoo.

"How may I hurt you?"

"Wow! Why do you have no tattoos?"

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

"I swear, '€#$%&' is a real quote from the Dalai Lama! To be fair though, I had just stepped on his toe..."