Identity Jokester Gifts

Hi I'm Bob....Bullshit I'm Bob

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

'Twitter for goldfish.'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

The first transatlantic communication.

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Broad Minded

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

"I'm very highly strung!"

It's a Four Seasons sleeping bag.

Gang of Musicians

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

Serpent Instrument player

The woodwind section

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

'We got Ethan this accordion to make some extra money. People pay him not to play it.'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"