Ice Humorist Pillows

Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

Rude Snowpeople

'There, that should freak 'em out.'

Shaved Ice

I made snow angels in my good clothes and mom gave me the devil for it!

'It's easy, just wee!'

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

Magic Act

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"I'll admit I've packed on a few extra pounds, but it's only water weight."

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

Titanic iceberg auction

"Aw, geez. My nuts are frozen." "T-T-Tell me about it."

"If you hurry, you can make the matinée."

"I told you we came back too early...I'm freezing my tail feathers off!"

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

It's a bit derivative.

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

"Whoa. How deep is that powder?" "You'll have to ask my wife. I'm standing on her shoulders."

'Geez, Dad! You never scream your lungs out at the refs! Don't you love me?!'

'Van Helsing, I've told you that just Holy Water isn't enough to kill count Snowcula! You need HOT Holy Water!'

'Okay, but for future reference; We never grit the ice in here.'

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

"This is a stick-up."

"Um...you have a little 'hare' in your nose."

His Other Shtick

Whoa, you've been working out.

Melted But Not Forgotten

The Itchy Back

Church Parking Sign for Midnight Mass

I think it's a food allergy.

Eskimo Breaking Wind