Ice Cream Humorist Pillows

'One scoop of sh*t, please!'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

Cake Free Zone

Rude Snowpeople

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Shaved Ice

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

Titanic iceberg auction

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"It's obviously an original."

'Have you considered drawing other people?'

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

Art Museum: Our exhibit of forgotten masters continues with What's His Name...

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

'Geez, Dad! You never scream your lungs out at the refs! Don't you love me?!'

Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'

'Did you just curdle?'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

Cartooning

'You're messing with my head.'

How to make your own snickers bar

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

Thinking about TV.

His Other Shtick

"Why didn't you think of that before I put on the icing?"

"My conceptual artwork - documented in these photographs - consists of my going on a bus to cleveland, buying a blue hat, putting three feathers on it, and throwing it off a bridge in Michigan."

'If it's sympathy you're after... forget it !'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.