Hypochondria Sympathizer Gifts

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

Type A Flu.

'Thos are a lot of symptoms, Mrs Gruber. I'm going to refer you to the book of world records.'

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'I thought it might help if I listed my symptoms.'

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

Aren't you a hypochondriac? What was that, loser? I feel warm. You're not going to trick me into thinking I have Ebola. 21 days ago, I may have ordered a pizza. The delivery boy had what might've been a Texas accent. A hospital in Texas was treating an Ebola patient. NOT FALLING FOR IT!! Everyone knows Ebola can only be transmitted through bodily fluids! The delivery boy was sweating. Sweat evaporates, right? Then it's in the air. Cough. Well-played, nemesis.

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

"The doctor says I have something called 'hypochondria'...and it's very hard to cure!"

Take two of these placebo tablets every day for three weeks, and that hypochondria should clear right up.