Hydrophobe Humorist Pillows

Aquatic neurotic: 'It's too wet.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

Superhero with Acrophobia

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

Crusty Bread

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

"Excuse me....water!!"

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'

On the planet Clowny, they are afraid of us.

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

'I drank too much last night.'

'What seems to be the problem?'

"Do you really think this will work?"

Dinosaur scared of a mouse.

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

"I tried sparkling once, but it just gave me a headache."

No genetically modified candy used in this construction.

Man in tuxedo afraid to fire his gun.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Just where do you expect me to sleep? Your closet's full of junk and have you looked under your bed lately?'