Hydrophobe Humorist Pillows

Aquatic neurotic: 'It's too wet.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Superhero with Acrophobia

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

Crusty Bread

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'

"Excuse me....water!!"

On the planet Clowny, they are afraid of us.

"Do you really think this will work?"

'I drank too much last night.'

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

'What seems to be the problem?'

Dinosaur scared of a mouse.

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

"I tried sparkling once, but it just gave me a headache."

No genetically modified candy used in this construction.

Man in tuxedo afraid to fire his gun.

How to tell that it's Howie Mandel's dog you're dealing with.

'Just where do you expect me to sleep? Your closet's full of junk and have you looked under your bed lately?'