Agoraphobia Humorist Pillows

A fortune is uncomfortable outside of its cookie

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"Bailiff."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Repeat after me..."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

Superhero with Acrophobia

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"Guilty times infinity."

A Not So Grand Slam.

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

Freak Accident Specialist

Cotton candy

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

'Your first trial?'

Sneeze

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'

'No, I'm not on trial here. I'm on the jury!'

Employees Must Wash Hands

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

'What seems to be the problem?'

'We had to bring a judge out of retirement, but we got you a speedy trial.'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.