Hump Day Humor Lover Gifts

'If you ask me, they're getting WAY too into the spirit of Wednesday being Hump Day.'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Larry's used art

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Police Feline Unit

Grace For Flies

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."