Humorous Pal Gifts

Happy retirement, Ponsford - and try and resist the temptation to drop in and see us anytime.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Time for tea and friendship.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'Oh no we couldn't...We've known one another too long' Then they kiss and laugh

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

Robinia Floribunda

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

No, it doesn't come furnished.

But alas, it was only Grandpa Otis and his signature, 'Pull my feather,' prank.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

Waiter is about to give diner the Turkey Surprise dinner.

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

"Stupid h*." "Dumb b***h."

'All the demons chipped in to get Satan a gag gift for his birthday.'

"My neighbor's house got TPed, and doubled in value."

I've got a gun.

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

Love.