Humorous Holidayer Gifts

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

Sermon Applause.

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

IT security.

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

'...Because its easy to draw.'

The Quack Quack Diaries - Quack Quack Gets Repossessed

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

Surprised doctor looking at man standing behind X-Ray machine with the image saying: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

"Just take the crowd out of it. Imagine everyone is naked."

'I had a heart attack while I was doing your by-pass surgery.'

"My exercise routine appears to be working as long as I hang around fat people."

Worm running away from hook.

"Failure is not an option (it comes bundled with the software)"

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

'Staff cutbacks? Tell me about it, I only came in to fix a computer...'

"The baptism is Sunday, and not a moment too soon, I might add."

'She's our first born. We haven't picked a name, but it will be case sensitive with at least one numeral.'

'They must be a Christian school...'