Humorous Eulogist Gifts

Epitaph: I Will Test You When I Get There

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

The game comes first...

I know they told me not to bark

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, pollen to pollen, mold to mold

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Fisherman Funneral

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

Jesus Fish

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'Kevin was plagued since childhood by fears of a monster under his bed, but eventually overcame it until he and his monster became inseparable best friends.'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"He was an amazing ventriloquist. Nobody knew just how amazing until now."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

O'Leary's Monuments

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

'I believe it's a snuff box.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.